And old man is sitting with his nephew on the porch and telling him his life story. The nephew, in his mid-twenties is listening with interest. The old man starts:
I didn’t need being filthy rich. Actually i didn’t gave two fucks about that. I always considered that earning top dollars was just a bonus for having succes. Really…i didn’t care about having five cars that i wouldn’t ever drive. I never wanted the spotlight to shine on me, because what i got…i never get it for free. I broked my back and skinned my knees for it. The called me useless. Careless. Hopeless. And heartless.
Every goddamn thing changed a while ago. And why? I was damn content with what i had and i settled. And then, i threw myself in the chaos, a chaos that i’ve thought once to have it mastered and bending the knee in front of me. Instead, the chaos made me bend and act like a fucking child. Throwing tantrums and shit.
It all started one windy night…a simple birthday, a party, a park, a lake, a place for many other meetings, the place where i’ve tried to seal my goddamn fate.A source for enlightment as i see it now. But back then i saw it as sorrow, because at the very same place i’ve met bliss, agony, a beginning, an end, an answer and a promise. What the hell, things change. But let’s go back to the start. That night…it was just like i felt awake. I wasn’t awake for a long time before that night. And that night i felt the call to go. Leave everything, forget everything, screw everything. Just go and get it. But i refrained myself. Waited a bit longer. I spend the time to see which way to walk. After a while, the road that i chose that night crumbled. I was…deceived. She cast a web of lies, that even today i wonder myself sometimes…what the fuck was true and what was false. I knew it from the start, but i chose to blindside myself and simply go with the flow. Slowly and surely i’ve casted my own web, because my fucking instincts were yelling at me to do it. ” Do it or you will be devoured”. I did it…but not in my way. Not in a way that would have shattered her web of lies. Not in a way that was true to myself. I’ve fallen deep into the behaviour of a pouty child. And, after a while…how should i describe it…i’ve never been claustrophobic, but i felt the walls closing in.
What do you do next, you may wonder. Well, i’ve crossed every line, breaked every boundary. And the retribution time caught up with me. Finally shattered her web of lies and had her crying in the night in front of me. But the truth still eluded me, like it never happend before. And at that very moment, as she was dropping tear after tear…i’ve realized that the church i’m going to isn’t so holy. So i took it upon myself. The retribution and everything. I’ve realized that it was my fucking state of mind that was altering the …well, everything. It took me a while longer, but as a certain weekend approached, i gave up. Not on the truth. Not on the web. Those were long gone. Not on her. But on myself. The retribution time was there. Debts were due, it was time to pay. I’ve faced what i deserved, i didn’t run away because the guilt was mine. All that love that i took in my life and all the hearts that i’ve turned into hate…i’ve realised that hearts are easily broken when you lie into shade. And i’ve enjoyed the shade way too much. It was time for me to make a change. I didn’t like to see the cards that i’ve dealt, but they were mine. I let her free, away from the shade, away from everything.
For a time, it was simply chaos. Countless tricks that i’ve played on other people, trying to lash out my anger on them…my sorrow, my grief. After half a year, i had an epiphany once again. It wasn’t the right approach. I was a pain dealer, a soul stealer, a faith healer, a dreambreaker, a cold-blooded killer, the voice in the back of their heads, the whisper over their shoulder, brother to sin and the devil was my kin. But most of all, i was a truth seeker.
I thought that this was no place for a hero. But a goddamn villain. And oh my god…such a perfect villain i’ve played. And now…as the dust settled…and i saw the final glimmer of a certain finger in the light…that last epiphany came.
No more. No fucking more. The shinning light that was once…no more. It vanquished from my sight. I played, i’ve lost. It’s OK. Sometimes you need to fall deep, hit the stones, injure your head, break your heart, murder your sleep…before you can accept the wisdom of everything.
That’s my story to you. Every fall, no matter how hard it is, how shattered you became, how much it makes you blame yourself, how much it makes you blame everything else…every fall is a release actually. The freedom of choice is returned to you, as you once chose yourself to cast it away with your own hands.
I still don’t know the truth and most likely i will never hear it. You might think that i deserve to find out. Eh, who the hell knows…life is full of surprises. Probably i will find the truth at the least expected moment, in the most unlikely place. Or not.
Listen well boy. Everyone meets an Enchantress at some point. You will be charmed, shattered into a thousand pieces, lied, deceived, manipulated, abandoned and you will feel like a complete useless moron. It’s up to you to pick yourself the fuck up, deal with it and move on. The only way that you can move on is not to seek another. Because another woman will turn out eventually that will be far better than what came before. No doubt about it. A woman that you will not truly appreciate initially, but in time you will learn to love, respect and protect. A woman that will not cast that damn web of lies and will only be there for you, knowing the deepness of your internal struggles. A woman that will chose to say nothing about those issues because she trusts you to deal with them yourself. A woman that will make you mad and happy at the same time. That will joke around when shit gets serious and who will be serious when things are funny. A woman that you will not just be in a relationship with, but will also be your friend. A woman that will know that no matter how she makes you lose your mind, you will be there for her. That’s who you will encounter.
No my dear boy…the only way to move on…is to became the man that you are meant to be. Not some rich,, shallow, shady and heartless bastard. But a man. When someone will speak your name, everybody will know who the fuck you are, how good you are at what you do. They will fear you. They will admire you. They will respect you. Because you will not be just another brick in the wall. You will be the one that will make the impossible feel like a fluke. So get the fuck up boy, get out there, live your life to the best of your ability, and do not be just another that was born with talent and died hoping for better and living on past memories. You will learn to enjoy life to the fullest, work the hardest and love. You will smile the brightest, be the kindest and be the wisest. You will forget about the lonely, damaging and sad years that brought you to that point. Fuck them. They made you what you truly are supposed to be. Do right by the woman i’ve mentioned to you. She deserves it.
And there will come one day, when you will once again meet the Enchantress by mistake on the street. And probably, at that moment you will find out the only thing that can get you closure: the truth. But the Enchantress won’t reveal it to you. No. You will read it yourself in her eyes, on her forehead, on her tight lips. And that’s when she will finally have her epiphany. That all she has left are the memories. That you eventually stopped loving her. That she tricked the one who became a true Magician.
Close your eyes and sleep now. Your story has just begun.